oh, so i AM hearing you

There are times that I go through when I really miss the unmistakable sound of my Lord’s voice. I am left to my own intellect – my experiences, my understanding of scripture, and my reason. These things are very useful to be sure, but after a while, you just need to be sure you are moving in the right direction. Lately, I have been in that very quiet place. Though I remain there still, I recently had some encouragement that let me know that I do seem to be hearing something.

I was out to dinner on Saturday night after service with some young folks from Austin. They came down to go to the youth service and say hi to some of us around the U that they know from being a part of the Conference Youth Program. One of the guys who was there just graduated from UT and will be working at a church in Austin this next year. I am really a fan of this guy. He is bright, articulate, and an excellent model for the youth of his church and our conference. I actually tried to bribe him into coming to work for us this summer! Truly, I feel like this kid is worth investing in for the sake of the church. He clearly has a dynamic call and is one of the best and brightest of his generation. How the Methodist Church would gain from 50 like him swelling the clergy ranks.

He was telling me how this summer he will be going to central America to live for a couple of months working with what are in effect street kids. He is just getting ready to start fundraising for the trip. Now I know what a youth intern gets paid. It doesn’t matter that this kid has an ENGINEERING degree from THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS and could command large sums in the private sector. So, here is a kid, giving up a good income to work for a church and preparing to stick his hand out to others so that he can go work with street kids in a developing nation.

His lodging was going to run $800 for the eight weeks he was there. My first thought was were is my checkbook – its in my bag in the trunk. As he was talking (he never asked), I thought, I will write him a check for the whole thing. Then that other voice spoke that said, maybe just $25-30. I just listened and prayed all through the rest of dinner. When we went out, I called him over to the trunk where I was madly scribbling a check. While he said, “oh, Ryan you don’t need to do that,” I finished writing. I handed him a folded check for the amount that I thought God inspired: $500. He stuck the check in his pocket without looking at it, hugged me, and drove off.

So, a week later, I am paying bills. Ahem. I decided that perhaps “God” was not the inspiration for the amount I had chosen. I found myself wondering when/if I would with certainty hear from my Lord. Seriously, I prayed a lot about this, figuring that I must have not been led at all.

An envelope appeared in my mailbox this week. It was addressed in block print to my name at the church. The return address had been block printed with the church’s address. Uh, oh. It was an anonymous letter. I get these from time to time and inevitably they grieve my spirit to no end. Broken people can say the most hurtful things under the “protection” of anonymity. It is my habit to just discard them. I’d rather take my beating like a man – face to face with my accuser. My heart holds such fear that my hands tremble a little bit as I open the letter.

The letter reads: Pastor Ryan: Just a quick note of thanks for all the things you do for us at University. We feel so fortunate and blessed to have you as our worship leader. We attribute our current level of stewardship to your (sometimes not so gentle) prodding. We have benefited in many ways from becoming more involved at church. Our faith in Christ and relationship with him continues to grow. Above and beyond the tithes and gifts we make to the church, enclosed is a gift for you. If you still have outstanding school loans, we want you to apply this toward them. If your loans are paid off, please pass this on to a colleague who may use this toward his or her debt. Our gratitude and prayers are with you.

With the letter was an anonymous money order. Want to guess how much it is for? $500.

To my secret benefactor: thank you. The money is helpful, of course, and I hope that I can multiply it and bless another the way that you have blessed me. But even more than for the money, thank you for hearing from God and obeying. Your action is a sure and certain sign to me that God is hearing my cries and he is responding. Your faithfulness gave me witness of my own. What greater joy can pass between believers in the body of Christ than mutually encouraging one another to good works and greater faith?