white knuckled

The following was originally written and published in the October edition of our uzine: The Encourager. To view the entire magazine in PDF form go to: http://news.uchurch.tv/Encourager/The%20Encourager%20October%202007.pdf

When I ride a roller coaster it is with both arms up in the air – I don’t hold onto the rail in front of me. That’s because I trust the machine. I’ve ridden a lot of roller coasters – the faster and more insane the ride, the better. I’ve taken enough rides to trust that I’m not going to fall out. That’s why I can raise my hands and let the adrenaline flow. I noticed that when I went with our sixth grade students to Astroworld in Houston that many of them clung on for dear life. Their little knuckles turned white from the pressure exerted from their grip. They obviously haven’t had enough experience on the rides to just let go and enjoy the ride – trusting in the experience.

When it comes to generosity, I have to confess that I am a “white knuckle” giver. This is a marked improvement from where I once was. It used to be that I didn’t give anything to anyone. As I grew in my faith, I started putting a little something in the plate at church (just whatever was in my pocket at the time). Finally, I tried making a pledge to the church. I wanted to be accountable for the spiritual discipline of giving that is necessary to be a true disciple of Jesus Christ. Full of good intentions, I made my pledge and wrote a few checks. Unfortunately, I would get behind in my giving and before I knew it, I wasn’t giving anything at all because I was so far behind in my pledge that I thought I could never catch up – so I gave up.

One year the option to make an EFT (electronic fund transfer) became available. Now this is where the rubber hit the road. There was no waiting to the end of the month to see if I could honor my commitment with leftovers. My faith was at stake. Did I trust God or didn’t I? Had I had enough experience with God to begin to release my death grip on my possessions? I am not over-exaggerating when I call it a death grip. My need to control my possessions was killing my spiritual growth. So, I took the plunge: I pledged 10% (the tithe that God requires) to the church and signed up for the EFT. The money rolled out of my account every month and I had to adjust the rest of my spending habits. I bought fewer new clothes, ate out less, and found cheaper ways to entertain myself. Instead of giving God the leftovers, I gave him the first fruit of my labor and I lived on what was left.

It has been an exciting ride with calls too close for comfort, but you may have noticed that I have not only survived, I have thrived. These days, God is doing an even deeper work in this white knuckle giver. I have been discovering the joy of sharing my financial resources beyond just my tithe and my building project pledge. In trusting the one who holds me, I find that I don’t have to hang on quite so firmly. I am slowly discovering that generosity lies at the heart of the Christian faith.

Any understanding of faith that ignores generosity is theologically bankrupt (pun intended). All life was born from the overflow of God’s creative generosity. Consider the heavens, the complexity of life, the earth’s broad biodiversity – ours is not a stingy deity. Our relationship with God was cultivated from his generous love. He invited us into relationship with him. He invited us into his presence. Even when we rebelled against his love, he maintained his steadfast generosity, making final payment to ransom mankind away from sin and death to life and life eternal. Jesus gave everything for us – pouring out his blood, his life, and his Spirit in the ultimate act of generosity.

Like everything else in our spiritual life, being faithful in our giving requires trusting in God. We have to start by climbing onto the roller coaster. We have to ride it a few times. At some point though, we have to choose to let go and trust. Let go of control. Let go of the safety bar. In the end, it isn’t the tightness of your grip that keeps you safe.